Mistress Twista Dildo Review
By Carnal Queen.
The Mistress Twista is not for the faint of heart. Just getting that out there right from the start, because if you’re looking for a slight upgrade from your favourite slimline dildo, then this baby is not for you. She’s a beast. A big, curvaceous, unrelenting beast! And being a Mistress, she’s everything you’d expect her to be, powerful, authoritative, beautiful, in total control and guaranteed to own your ass! Or your vagina, as in my case. Cause yeah, as happy as I am to shove stuff up my ass, this thing makes my eyes water just thinking about it. If girthy bum fun is your thang, then listen in, she could be your perfect match …
- Weight: 767g
- Length: 10 inches
- Insertable: 9.3 inches
- Diameter: 2.6 inches max
- Circumference: 6.5 inches to 8.2 inches (smallest to largest bump)
I mentioned recently in my Cupid 3 review that I likes me some stretch. I really enjoyed that dildo, because of the undulating shape and the type of silicone that Sh! use. It did surprise me to be honest, but the lovely folk at Sh! Erotic Emporium offered to send me something that was more vaginally challenging. So, enter the Mistress Twista Vibrating Dildo. It’s the biggest dildo that they currently offer. Some may think it’s from the sublime to the ridiculous, I just think fuck yeah, bring.it.on!
This piece is a bit niche. It’s not going to be something you buy on a whim, and the price reflects that. I’m not gonna lie, at almost £200 it’s expensive, but come on, this isn’t your run of the mill silicone sex toy. You can’t pick something up like this just anywhere, certainly not something that’s totally body-safe and made to this standard. Sh! make their dildos themselves – handcrafted with care and attention. It’s not mass produced cheapness, so they come at a price that’s reflective of that. All Sh! brand products come with a one year guarantee too, which is pretty great.
The Mistress Twista looks magnificent. The shaft resembles something that’s almost like a swollen screw thread. The tip is blunt, which although can make inserting this beauty a little bit more difficult than more tapered dildos, it means my insides are happy. The Mistress Twista is 9.3 inches of insertable, toe curling length, and a pointy tip would be a bit too bashy against my cervix.
Their silicone is quite unique. I don’t really have any other dildos which feel the same as Sh! ones do. It’s really quite flexible, but with a smooth, glossy finish. It can be squeezed and forced to give a little, and not just by my hands, but by my vaginal muscles too, which makes it comfortable to use and a pleasure to grip on to.
I think I’m going to nickname my two Sh! dildos as Kim & Aggie though, cause boy do these babies like dust! Not as noticeable on the white and delicate finish of the Cupid 3, but on the black, harsher background of the Mistress Twista, it’s quite disturbing. Like, where does it even come from? I’m pretty sure I could quickly waft this thing around inside a spacecraft orbiting the Earth, and it would still come back looking like it had been used instead of a wax strip on a particularly hairy full Brazilian job. They wash away (eventually) and you’re good to go, but it does always mean that this dong is washed straight before play, even if it’s come straight out of the fuck cupboard. I don’t want any stray dog hairs finding their way up into my vag – hell, I think the Mistress Twista would be capable of harbouring the whole stray dog!
It comes with a bullet vibe. Now, don’t pee yourself laughing at that. I know you’re likely thinking that it’d be like throwing a lady finger vibe inside the channel tunnel and expecting the walls to vibrate. And you’d be right. It’s almost funny in truth. There’s so much silicone on top of the cute little bullet, it’s never going to buzz you to blissville. But, it’s really not supposed to. Sh! are very clear on their website that the vibrations felt from the bullet are gentle at best, and certainly won’t register on the Richter scale. But I was also very clear that I wanted this toy WITH the bullet hole …
Quick note on the bullet. It’s surprising! Well, I wasn’t surprised, but only because I’ve already got a Sh! bullet vibe. It’s tiny, and given its size and those damn awful cell batteries it runs on, it packs quite a punch. It’s not Tango standard, sure, but I’d choose it over things like the Lelo Mia, or the FSOG Wickedly Tempting bullet, any day. Same goes for the OVO C1 and the Lovehoney Desire clit vibe too, come to think of it.
Let’s talk about holes! No, not any of mine, but the one on the bottom of the Mistress Twista. Why did I definitely want a bullet hole in the dildo when I was sure the vibrations wouldn’t be anywhere near strong enough to satisfy me? Well, a l’il birdie told me that a vac-u-lock adaptor would fit inside, and didn’t that open up a whole host of new possibilities!
Mistress Twista + a sex machine = some pretty hardcore banging.
Now that’s an equation I’m happy to get busy with. Ya know, just for the purposes of education …
I did consider that I might need to enlist the help of one of my metal vac-u-lock adaptors, cause this Mistress Twista is 767g, and I wondered if the plastic ones would cope with her heft. I tried one anyway, because I have a few of them, and I was happy to offer one up as a metaphorical sacrificial lamb – it happily obliged, giving her the vehicle she needed to become mobile. My delight! Now I didn’t need to worry about having to thrust the mighty Mistress myself, which would’ve been a chore for my weak wrists. Instead, she was to be impaled on the Motion Love sex machine and put to work, as a now mechanical Mistress Twista.
A marathon runner wouldn’t leap straight out of bed and embark on a 20k run without warming up, just as I wouldn’t attempt to embrace the Mistress Twista from a cold start. I’m not stupid. The girth is similar to the Cock Skull Dildo, albeit a little bit softer and more forgiving, but still, I need to be prepared to take it. An orgasm here or there to relax the way, my arousal needs to be in full force, and my juices need to be flowing. Lube … water-based and lots of it. A generous coating to cover the surface, it finds its way into the grooves around the shaft, to allow it to continue to keep things slick as we proceed.
3..2..1.. Im utterly breathless. As the Mistress Twista slowly pushes inside, the sensations and the heavenly filling I’m experiencing is all I’m thinking about, all I’m able to think about. I realise I’m holding my breath, because a part of me is expecting discomfort, but it doesn’t come. I go slowly, the machine straining as it wants to go quicker than I’m allowing it to. It’s almost painfully slow, much slower than I’d thrust myself with my hand. But I’m delighting in the feels. I can distinguish every section of the shaft pushing past my boundaries, before reversing and popping free of my depths. Delicious.
The softly-softly approach means I’m getting lubed up thoroughly inside. Every internal wall being pasted in thick, slippery cushioning. I stop and apply more to the dildo, knowing that even the most modest of toys can drink lube like there’s no tomorrow, when mounted on a relentless sex machine. I brace myself, and click the machine into life again.
Fuck me! And fuck me it does. Beautifully. Not having to worry about burdening the weight of the Mistress myself, I can lie back and just revel in the pleasure. What feels like every internal square centimetre of me is being massaged and honoured, as the Twista glides effortlessly in and out. The machine bows not to any resistance, it just pushes on. Full-empty-full-empty-full-empty. Over and over, hurtling me closer and closer to climax.
I’m hands free, and as enthralled as I am with the pleasure that’s building inside me, I want more. So I take advantage of my free hands and add some external stimulation into the mix. The Sh! bullet works well, but my trusty Tango gets me seeing stars almost immediately. My body submits, as it has no choice, and I’m catapulted into a mind-blowing orgasm. I’ve come to learn through further experiments, that the addition of the Womanizer 500 or the Satisfyer Pro 2 gets me reaching beyond the immediate stars, to galaxies far, far away. It’s pleasure, but intensified to something that’s not of this world.
I am the Mistress Twista’s bitch. She owns me, and does to me things that others have yet to master. She’ll cost you, both in money and in sweat and happy tears, but she’s worth it, every bit of it.
Sh! Erotic Emporium kindly sent me the Mistress Twista Vibrating dildo for free, in exchange for an honest and unbiased review. This in no way alters my thoughts or opinions. If you want to be owned by your own Misitress Twista, you can grab one here. She’s also available in a non-vibrating version, as well as less mahoosive sizes, just browse their dildo section to find more. Affiliate links have been used in this post.