MEO Essentials Guest Review
By Ella Scandal.
Huge thanks to my lovely friend Ella, for this awesome guest review of the MEO essentails! Want to find out what a drip race is? Read on …
Also known as that bunch of stuff you have to add to your sex toy / bondage kit orders, and feel sad because you know that if you just added £35 to the cost of that bottle of lube you could buy yourself a Tantus dildo. *Sigh* But they’re not called essentials for nothing, and on those rare occasions when I run out of one thing or another, I’m even sadder still.
I recently received a review package from the lovely Carnal Queen herself, and in the box I was delighted to discover a hoard of MEO own brand essentials:
MANCUNT Hybrid Lube XL
EXTREME ANAL Desensitiser
FUCKSLUT Silicone Platinum Lubricant
VERYCLEAN Universal Cleaning Spray
So, on tumbling the contents of the package onto the bed, my initial thought process went something like this: ooh, this stuff looks pretty nice! Edgy black bottles, one with an easily identifiable coloured cap, and the branding is… oh. This was the point where I spotted FUCKSLUT emblazoned down the side of one of the bottles, and my next thought was, well isn’t that charming.
I have to admit, the names of most of the products made me groan, especially MANCUNT. I mean, I’m a laydee, I don’t use words like that. *Takes a moment to allow the contradictory laughter of everyone who has ever met me to die down*
I can honestly say that if I walked into an adult store looking to buy lubes, the names of these products would make me walk right past them. But enough about my slightly offended sensibilities and on to the products.
This was the first of the lubricants I tried. It’s a water based lube, so is compatible with all sex toy materials, silicone included. There are one or two eyebrow raising ingredients (eg; glycerine, phenoxyethanol) but I’ve not suffered any adverse effects from this type of product, so I don’t mind using them.
This lube is very thick – pop the cap and upend the bottle and nothing happens. You need to squeeze to get things moving, and when you stop, it stops. This gives great control over the amount of lube you use. I like this. There’s nothing worse than squeezing a bottle of lube and ending up with wet everything.
There’s a very cosmetic smell to AQUAMEO, and it tastes slightly talcy, but not enough to make it unpleasant. I found it great to use with draggier silicone toys, though I do have to reapply as they seem to eat the stuff. This wasn’t the case with glass, metal, and smoother silicone though, and I was happy that my husband didn’t feel the need to stop and reapply during sex.
It lasts an age, which is great, but when it does dry, it dries sticky. I’ve never had a lube leave me feeling dirty before, but this one did. I could feel my thighs peeling apart, and my hands ended up with every particle of dust and lint within a meter of me stuck to them. I could have lived without that, but it’s not the end of the world.
This lube is silicone based. I admit, I was a silicone lube virgin until I popped the cap on this stuff, and I wish I’d tried it well before now. I have problems when it comes to any kind of penetration in water, but those problems are a thing of the past for all but silicone toys. I’m not brave enough to even do a patch test, just in case I melt anything.
I was surprised by how runny it is. Being inexperienced with silicone lube, I tipped the bottle and ended up with stained bedsheets when it came whizzing out. I’d expected it to be much like AQUAMEO, but I was wrong.
Using it in water is pretty much a dream come true. For clitoral play, it didn’t dry up during either vibrator or skin-on-skin contact, and when it came to penetration I didn’t have to use half a bottle like I always do with water based lube, so thumbs up for that.
Using it out of water is pretty spectacular too. My vagina always feels tight and draggy whenever I squirt, and with water based lube things can get a little chafey, especially if I’m not the one making the magic happen. The fantastic glide FUCKSLUT offers has put an end to that, making an already wondrous event that little bit more special.
This one is pretty much the same as FUCKSLUT in my opinion. The ingredients lists are identical, and both are suitable for use with partners, toys (not silicone, to be on the safe side) and latex condoms. In a drip race down a mirror (sad, I know) EZ2FUCK seemed to run a tad faster than FUCKSLUT, so maybe this is a little thinner in viscosity. We have used it with latex condoms on a few occasions without encountering any problems.
The only issue I have with silicone lube is removing it after the event. Does it hell want to come off. Even after washing twice, I can still feel a slight slickness that isn’t entirely unpleasant, but it does make me wonder how much of it is lingering inside of me where I can’t get at it with a sponge.
That is possibly THE most offensive name for a lubricant ever. I don’t even know what a MANCUNT is, but the lubricant variety is quite a delight in use.
Being a hybrid lube (a blend of water and silicone) this product has a lot to offer. It’s super thick, white and silky, and feels lovely when used during partner penetration. The pump activated bottle says it looks and feels like cum, but I can’t say I agree. Well, my hubby’s cum doesn’t look like that anyway. I hope there’s nothing wrong with him, lol.
I’ve successfully used it with silicone toys with no ill effects, and I find it really enhances fingers only masturbation for me. My hubby really likes it for masturbation too, as it remains wet and slippery for ages so doesn’t need reapplying, but unlike the silicone only lubes, it doesn’t cling stubbornly to his cock when it’s time to wash it off.
Hmmm, a desensitising gel with the consistency of over watered wallpaper paste and the scent of clove oil. Yes, the stuff that numbs your gums, and now your bum, apparently. But why does it smell of clove oil, you might ask? Well, cos that’s what’s in it, along with a plethora of other stuff that I can’t pronounce. I generally find that ingredients that are twenty six letters long and impossible to articulate are – in general – not so great for your skin or your insides, so if you’re considering buying this, have a read and get informed first.
The first butt to see this stuff was my husbands. We’re pretty new to pegging, and he’s still at the stage where some toys I can take in one go terrify the living daylights out of him. I’ve been wanting to use a longer, thicker dildo for various reasons, and this EXTREME ANAL gel allowed me to do so, because it works.
I admit, I was sceptical in the beginning, but no more. I applied two pumps from the dispenser a good half hour before getting down to business and, after a warm up, the dildo I had selected slowly slipped in without my husband squawking at me to back the hell off like he did the first time I tried it. He felt no discomfort, and by the time he could feel more, he was nicely stretched and lost in what we were doing.
I can’t say I had such an easy experience when it came to my turn though. I don’t know why, but the sensation I got from it was pretty unpleasant. It felt like it was burning, and it got so uncomfortable I had to ask him to stop so I could wash it off. The toy we were using was one we’ve used before, so I know it wasn’t a size issue.
He’s happy to have it used on him again, but sadly it’s not one for me.
This one is pretty self-explanatory. VERYCLEAN is a disinfectant spray for use on sex toys. I was surprised at the size of the bottle, as I’ve never seen a toy cleaner that didn’t come in a 100ml size. This 200ml bottle will last ages, and I use toys multiple times a day, every day.
Just like most other cleaners, it’s best used after giving your toy a preliminary wipe down, as it doesn’t remove gunk like a soap would, especially if you leave clean up until the morning after.
There is, however, one thing that sets this spray apart from all the other ones I’ve tried; it’s amazing at getting the butt stank off silicone plugs, beads, and dildos. I don’t care who you are, or if you’ve cleaned your butt so thoroughly you can whistle through it – put a silicone toy up there and it will pick up a funky smell.
This spray annihilates that smell. Yes, I did sniff a recently cleaned butt toy, and right up close too, but after the wash-wipe-spray-air dry routine I have for all things I use anally, the smell was gone. Two thumbs up, and it’ll clean those too. Really, it says so on the bottle, and we’ve used it a few times when hands have gotten a little sticky with lubes or massage oils to great effect.
All in all, the only thing that could make me happier with these MEO goodies the Carnal Queen sent me would be seeing less hinky stuff on the ingredients list and more body friendly ones. That aside, I really do like each and every one of them, and I’ll definitely consider replacing them in the new year once they run out.
Thanks Ella! To read more of Ella’s work, catch her over at Scandarella. These products were kindly provided by MEO, in exchange for an honest and unbiased review. Affiliate links have been used in the post.
You made some really good points there.