Big Johnny Stainless Steel Dildo
By Carnal Queen.
The Big Johnny was sent to me to review by MEO, a fantastic German adult product website. It’s an aggressive sex toy, I’m not going to lie. Well, I say sex toy, but depending on the circumstances, this huge chunk of metal could be referred to as a dangerous implement, a weapon, or ‘EXHIBIT ‘A’ MY LORD’ …
When I reviewed the Alpha Male 3 last year, I fell in love with metal dildos. My body responds so well to that piece, I guess it was only natural that I was curious about the Big Johnny. Truth is though, they’re worlds apart, and aren’t really comparable. No getting away from the fact though that Big Johnny here, strikes a great resemblance to the njoy Eleven, a much loved and worshipped toy by many. So how would Johnny and I get on?
It arrives encased in a black and red keepsake box that’s satin lined. It’s nice to have somewhere safe to store it, to prevent dints and scratches. but it’s a bit generic and bland. The toy is where the fun is at though, so I was eager to get inside to see what joys awaited me there. Big Johnny is made from ‘Highly polished surgical steel’ and is a lovely toy to look at. It’s really hard to work out exactly what type of stainless steel it’s made from, and I can only really go on the visuals. Nothing suggests I should have any cause for concern though, it’s mega heavy, flawless and just does nothing, but appear to be exactly what it claims to be …
I touched on the weight there … I’m confused by my Big Johnny. MEO advertise it as 1.3kg, which is hefty, but mine is just over 1.6kg! I’ve weighed it several times, using different scales, and the results have been counted and verified, and I can confirm, it’s a 1.6kg beast! Now I’m not sure if there’s an error in the advertised weight, or whether mine is just an anomaly, but that’s a big difference! Size wise, the Big Johnny offers you two totally different experiences because of the two ends. The smaller one has a circumference of around 5 inches (1.59 diameter) and the larger is just over 6 inches (1.96 diameter). Overall, in length, it’s almost 10 inches of shiny, substantial goodness!
For anyone interested in the differences between the Big Johnny and the njoy Eleven, the njoy weighs 1.25kg, has a diameter at the smaller end of 1.75, and at the larger end of 2 inches. Sadly I don’t have an njoy Eleven to be able to do a direct comparison, so those stats are taken from here. So the smaller end is slightly smaller on the BJ, but the larger is pretty much exactly the same as the njoy.
The dildo isn’t for anyone with a shy vagina, or ass for that matter, because it’s anal safe – it’s a challenging toy. The metal is unforgiving and unapologetic, and if rushed into, or not respected, it can feel pretty brutal. I started with the smaller end, naturally, but I wasn’t overly impressed with it. I thought the hand grips on this end would add some texture, and make my vagina sing, but I couldn’t really feel them, and although the head felt quite good grazing my G-Spot, it wasn’t anything to write home about. So, feeling a little disheartened, I moved onto the end which earned it the name BIG Johnny.
I love that metal needs very little additional lubrication, and it’s fantastic to be able to use any kind, so if you prefer silicone lube, then use it. Even with sufficient lube though, the larger end was proving difficult initially. I know the size isn’t a match for my tardis of a vagina though, so it was just a case of finding the right way to insert it. For me, this is holding the other end higher up, like a ladle handle, easing the head in slowly, and pushing down as it starts to move forward. That way the bulbous head tucks under, and locates itself under my pubic bone nicely. The ‘pop’ it creates as the head completely enters me is awesome, the rest of the shaft is modest in comparison and has little to no bearing on my pleasure.
And there it is, that delicious filled feeling that I love! I love my metal toys cold, and my G-Spot adores the chilled, hard surface rubbing back and forth across it. I find the shape of the BJ much harder to use solo than I anticipated, in fact for solo play, I much prefer the Alpha Male 3. The curve on that makes it so much easier for me to add pressure to my sweet spots. That’s ok though, I don’t think I’d want to use the BJ on my own, it’s just too heavy for me, and it makes my wrist ache from the weight and the angle I’m trying to achieve. CK’s in charge of this one, thankfully he’s happy to be 😉
The orgasms are undeniable intense with the Big Johnny. It kind of batters my body into submission and makes me it’s bitch, which is totally fine by me. I need to be fully aroused for the larger end though, and I find if I’ve had more than one orgasm before trying to insert it, it can be a bit more tricky, because my muscles are tensed to hell and don’t want to grant it access.
I’ve had an interesting experience with the BJ, well I’ve had lots actually, but this particular one has left me with an almost uncomfortable reminder as I’m sat here typing this. Imagine, freezing cold dildo, clobbering my sweet spot repeatedly, until I’m almost ready to burst. Then I decided to add some clit stim, in the form of the heated Svakom Emma wand. My body shook and tensed so hard, as my hips and pelvis locked me in my raised position on the Liberator Wedge. Ahhhh, so close to orgasm … then my clit registers the heat from the wand. I’m being caressed by hot and cold, and I’m confused! My body lingers on the edge, not knowing what’s going on, and not quite tipping over into orgasmic bliss. It took about 90 seconds for that impending orgasm to rip from my body, I was locked firm, almost screaming in ecstasy and pain at the same time. I could barely move when I was done, and today I’m left feeling sore and achy … it felt fucking amazing though, and it was so worth it!
Removal after play is not always easy to do. My muscles seem to love BJ so much, they want to keep a hold of it. I’ve found the best way, is to gently twist the dildo, so that the top of the dildo goes to the bottom. This puts the harshly edged head underneath. Because it’s much smoother on the other side, I can slide it from under my pubic bone much more easily this way. I’ve tried inserting it upside down too, but this doesn’t help at all, which is strange! Hook in, reverse to remove!
Overall, it’s a fantastic dildo, and being metal, it’s a dream to care for and look after. Warm water and sex toy cleaner ensure that this is always ready to give me a good going over! When I’m in the right kind of mood, the ruthless severity of it, and the fact it shows me no mercy, makes me scream out for more. Me and Big Johnny are gonna stay firm friends ….!
Pros
Smooth, sleek and beautiful!
Easy to care for and body-safe
Great for G-Spot play, especially of the heavy variety!
Anal safe
Cons
May be too heavy for some
Can be awkward and cumbersome to use on yourself
MEO very kindly sent me the Big Johnny for free, in exchange for an honest and unbiased review. This in no way alters my thoughts or experiences. If you’d like to woo your own Big Johnny, you can do so here. They also have a smaller, less intimidating Johnny, if that’s something more suited to you. You can find information on that here. Affiliate links have been used in this post.